31 Day Challenge: Day 18, 19, and 20

By: William G. Muir

I sort of took a few days break from the challenge. When I was looking over the recent topics I got sense that I really didn’t have much to talk about. I didn’t feel right just coming on here and posting something that wasn’t even a paragraph long. It is a waste both your time as a reader and my time as a blogger.

So I decided on combining days 18, 19 and 20 into one decent length post.

Day 18 The meaning behind your blog name?

It rather simple really, I was out one night with a couple of my buddies who were back home for the first time. One of them was in the Marines and other was in the Navy. Mike, Junior (Marines), Scott (Navy) and I were sitting in a Blimpie’s parking lot getting caught up on what was going on in each others lives. I guess I was telling them about all the rumors that I had picked up since our graduation. Letting Junior and Scott in on what I had heard about all our old classmates. When I took a pause between stories Junior asked how many tales did I have in my story book?

For some reason the phrase a bird’s eye view popped into my head. Then I quickly replaced the the word bird with the nickname Scott called me by, Bill. So now I had Bill’s Eye View. At the time I was wanting to write a book of poetry, and now I had the perfect title for it. Later on I decided that I would use it as a screen name and email address.

On day I decided to change my Gmail password. I combined two that I had been using. I had forgotten that I had switched it around somewhat, changing letters to numbers and numbers to letters when possible. When I forgot the answer to my security question I just decide to create a new account. I try to avoid numbers in email address as much as possible. I am not to fond of having the same name as someone else. So I changed the B to a W and have been using that name ever since. 

Day 19 What Do you collect?

At the moment nothing. But at different times in my life I have collected trading cards, baseball, basketball, football and Magic the Gathering.

Day 2o A Difficult Time in Your Life?

I suffered my most difficult moment in July of last year. That was the day my father passed away. I can truly say that was a day that changed my life forever. My father had gone through a really difficult year before he had  passed away. For the passed twenty years he had these gaping sores on his legs that just wouldn’t heal. No matter what his doctor tried. Then one day they got infected and became septic. At the hospital they determined they would have to remove one of his legs. At first they thought he might loose both legs, but the infection cleared up in his right leg.

He spent the next year in the hospital. Every time they thought he was ready to go home, something would be found and he would have to stay longer. Towards the end of his time in the hospital they removed his gallbladder. But finally he did get to come home.

He would spend his finally six months at home.

I’m not sure if I believe that people know when there time is up. But if there was ever a case that would convince me it would be my father’s. A day and a half before he passed away he told my mother he didn’t want to go back to the hospital, no matter what. That evening my father would go to sleep and he would never wake up again. He spent the next 36 hours or so in what I assume was a coma. 

At the end his breathing became extremely labored. Mom decided she needed to send him back to the hospital, and came to get me to help get him ready to go back. But before we could call for an ambulance my father passed away.

At first it was hard to tell if he was sleeping or not. 

Mom called 9-1-1. The first to respond were the Charlestown Police, one of the officers was a guy I went to school with, Terry Braswell. It was a relief to have someone there I knew. Then the paramedics arrived, and I sat there watching as they hover over my father’s body, yet I can’t recall what they were doing. At one point they said they were going to start transferring him over to the gurney and they would need all the room they could get. They told me I might feel more comfortable in another room.

It was at this moment that I realized I wasn’t fully there. Normally my mind is full of thoughts and I am over thinking every moment of my day. At that moment there was only silence in my mind. I was totally blank. I got up and just walked into my room. The day had just became too real, I didn’t know what it was I was doing at that point.

Later on that evening my mom, my sister, my nieces, nephew and I sat around just talking about dad. 

Over a period of time, I don’t exactly remember how long, I went through a roller coaster of emotions. I felt angry. I wanted to just shout at someone, I wanted to have someone blame for this. I was angry that I had no one to blame. I cursed the universe out for taking my dad away from me. I cursed myself for not grieving enough, and then I cursed myself for cursing myself. Between the angry there was the sadness. A depression set in. I just didn’t want to go on. What was the point of any of it now. I felt like nothing mattered anymore.

It took a long time to reach some state of normalcy. I don’t know if I would have been able to do it without the help of my friends and family. It was a long dark road that I traveled down.

It has almost been a year now, but not a day goes by that I do not think of him. He was one of the foundations my life was constructed on. With him gone that foundation is not as stable. But because of him I know how to keep my balance.

Every so often I will have a dream of him. I get my hopes up that this past year has been a bad dream and I have finally awoke from it. But after a while I realize the reality of it all and it is like I lost him all over again.

 

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